Archive for the ‘observations’ Category

Immovable Object

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

We’ve discovered Biko’s superpower. Although he has a normal resting weight of 58 pounds within Earth’s gravitational field–well within normal parameters for a dog–if he is lying in my spot on the bed, he activates his special neutron star mass, becoming virtually immovable. We are researching more beneficial applications.

Bird-brained

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

The dog, lying in the shade of the gardenia bush, thinks that the “lesser” in lesser mockingbird refers to diminished cognitive capacity, because nesting five feet off the ground and then constantly bitching at a dog seems a little brainless.

Light Pollution

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

It is a very clear, moonless night and I was in the back yard looking at the sky. I could see less than fifty stars and one planet. It reminded me of when I would look up as a child and marvel at the seemingly infinite cloud of stars that cut across the heavens. I can’t remember the last time I saw the Milky Way. I really miss it.

Right Turns

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

We have greatly expanded the “right turn on red when clear” rule in South Florida. Among your other choices: “right turn on red when not clear,” “left turn on red when clear,” “right turn from the left lane when you think you can make it,” “left turn on red when you think you got robbed by the light,” and the ever-popular “blow through the red light at high speed while talking on the mobile phone.”

Singular Reason For Existence

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

There’s only one thing I like about Halloween and Wal-Mart: candy corn flavor saltwater taffy.