Be careful of what you wish. We’ve been needing rain pretty badly since the dry season started. With the storm front that has stalled over our area for the last week, I bet we’ve received at least five inches of rain. Our annual average for the entire month of December is about two.
While watching Jon Bon Jovi’s performance last night on Saturday Night Live: “What’s wrong with his toupée?” I ask. “It’s from the wrong decade,” responded a sleepy Midge.
My ‘94 Toyota pickup just hit 75,000 miles yesterday. That works out to an average of 5000 miles per year. Tidy.
Instant karma, South Florida style: As I pull into the grocery store parking lot, an old lady in one car doesn’t like the speed that another old lady is vacating her parking space, so she lays on the horn. And it sticks. I was in the store for ten minutes and when I came out, a security vehicle had pulled up and the guy was under the hood, pulling the wire from the horn. So much for haste.
“I saw my first porno when I was fourteen years old and all I could think was ‘how unsanitary.’”–Anonymous caller on the 105.9FM drunk dial hotline
I knew it, but I just needed to be reminded of it. Entropy is a bitch. After six years of faithful service, our pool pump died. We’re getting it replaced this week. Either that or start serving up 10 or 15 thousand gallons of algae soup.
They are coming to install a new AC system on our house today. Not thrilled about the expense, although there is a fairly substantial federal tax credit and energy savings that will offset some of the cost. Let’s see–pool pump, hot water heater, washer, dryer, refrigerator, dishwasher, stove, microwave, disposal, windows, roof and, now, AC. What have we not replaced? Ah, the joys of buying a 30-year old house.
Cognitive dissonance has a foothold in South Florida. I saw a couple of bumperstickers on an Eighties model beater that serve as evidence: On the left, “Don’t mess with Texas” and on the right, “Global warming is so uncool.”
My strange, little wife left her earrings outside in the cactus planter. Now I have one more place to check for abandoned earrings.
I saw a woman wearing a romper at Petco that caused me to coin a term — “flatasstrophe.” As in, “Did you see Beth rockin’ those jeans? What a flatasstrophe.”